"Oh, yes; the game was to just find something about everything to be glad about – no matter what ’twas", rejoined Pollyanna, earnestly.
I have always liked Pollyanna. Maybe growing up
at boarding school without my parents, I identified with her. When I
first read the classic story to my daughters, I was delighted by her “just
being glad” game. Do you remember? When Pollyanna is
disappointed that she receives crutches in a missionary care package instead of
the doll she requested, her father teaches her the game, how to always find
something to be genuinely glad about—“Why, just be glad that you don’t need
‘em”
Since Eleanor H. Porter created her 100 years ago, Pollyanna
has, unfairly I think, been the subject of cynical ridicule, the portrait of
naïve, denial-based thinking. But throughout the story we see
Pollyanna both acknowledging her negative feelings and then engaging in the
discipline that her wise and Godly father taught her—that one can always find
something to be thankful for, even in the most miserable of situations. That’s
not naïve…it just matches the New Testament instruction to “give thanks in
all circumstances” (1Th.5:18).
Over the years, I have come to see thankfulness as a
powerful yet often underestimated weapon against despair, dismay, and
despondency. Living in a fallen world tempts us to become cynical,
to harden ourselves against disappointment, to believe the worst so that we
will not get hurt, to protect ourselves by holding on to resentment and
bitterness, to lower our expectations so that we will not have our hopes dashed
yet again.
Thankfulness, however, softens the heart. It opens us
to each other when, like Pollyanna, it allows us to see the wonder and beauty
in difficult people and situations. Thankfulness is the natural antidote
to envy. In thankfulness, I focus not on what I lack but on what I
have. Thankfulness humbles me, since I recognize that I am
indeed the recipient of gifts that I have not earned. Thankfulness humanizes and energizes me
to engage more fully and vigorously with the people God brings into my life,
because I feel richer, blessed, and secure in what I have been given. When
I engage in thankfulness, I am inevitably recognizing what is deeply
important to me rather than focusing on the superficial details that I am
tempted to complain about. On a personal note, when I shift from
self-pity to thankfulness, my family says that I begin making sense to them
again—I am refocusing on what I always tell them is important.
There is a fascinating, dramatic shift in a person’s whole
attitude when he or she begins to look for things for which to be
thankful. It seems in thankfulness we shift mental gears, and begin
using different parts of the brain. Researchers have identified that
the parts of the brain activated in thankfulness are associated with the
neurotransmitter dopamine, which both makes us feel good and also helps us
initiate action. Research has also shown that simply increasing a
person’s thankfulness results in lowered depression, improved sleep, decreased
anxiety, improvements in exercise patterns, and an overall reduction in general
aches and pains.
Whatever the biological operations that are involved, when
we engage in genuinely giving thanks, we are naturally required to let go of
attitudes of entitlement, and to relinquish cynical expectations of harshness,
stinginess, and meanness. The paradox is that we actually become
strong through weakness—as we relinquish our “high standards” we receive better
and more rewarding results.
Here are four ideas to prime your thankfulness this
season. Pick one or try all four:
1. Three Things: At
the end of every day write in a notebook (or on your smart phone) three things
that went well today, interactions that brought you joy or satisfaction, specific things
you are thankful for that you experienced today. The key to this
exercise is to be detailed and specific, not general.
2. Seek Delight: As
you proceed through your day, be intentional about looking for things to
delight in, especially as you talk to your loved ones. When you are
tempted to be critical, shift your attention slightly to look for something for
which to be thankful. If you have enough information to be critical,
you have enough information to be thankful.
3. Be Glad: Teach
your family to play the “Just Being Glad” game. Maybe read the
section in Pollyanna to refresh your memory (you can find excerpts
online). Have fun laughing and playing the game, helping each other
to genuinely “be glad”.
4. Stir It Up: Make
a list of ways that you can stir up thankfulness spontaneously in your loved
ones and coworkers. Do surprising acts of generous selflessness that
catch people off-guard.
Thankfulness takes practice, but actually doing it may
change your heart and your brain. Or as Pollyanna says, "…lots
of times now I just think of them without thinking, you know. I've
got so used to playing it. It's a lovely game.”
Blessings this Thanksgiving,
Gene
“Gratitude bestows reverence...changing forever how we
experience life and the world.” John Milton
“I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because
you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul…” Ps. 31:7
