Monday, November 25, 2013

Pollyanna's Weapon


  "Oh, yes; the game was to just find something about everything to be glad about – no matter what ’twas", rejoined Pollyanna, earnestly. 

I have always liked Pollyanna.  Maybe growing up at boarding school without my parents, I identified with her.  When I first read the classic story to my daughters, I was delighted by her “just being glad” game.  Do you remember?  When Pollyanna is disappointed that she receives crutches in a missionary care package instead of the doll she requested, her father teaches her the game, how to always find something to be genuinely glad about—“Why, just be glad that you don’t need ‘em”

Since Eleanor H. Porter created her 100 years ago, Pollyanna has, unfairly I think, been the subject of cynical ridicule, the portrait of naïve, denial-based thinking.  But throughout the story we see Pollyanna both acknowledging her negative feelings and then engaging in the discipline that her wise and Godly father taught her—that one can always find something to be thankful for, even in the most miserable of situations.  That’s not naïve…it just matches the New Testament instruction to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1Th.5:18).

Over the years, I have come to see thankfulness as a powerful yet often underestimated weapon against despair, dismay, and despondency.  Living in a fallen world tempts us to become cynical, to harden ourselves against disappointment, to believe the worst so that we will not get hurt, to protect ourselves by holding on to resentment and bitterness, to lower our expectations so that we will not have our hopes dashed yet again.

Thankfulness, however, softens the heart.  It opens us to each other when, like Pollyanna, it allows us to see the wonder and beauty in difficult people and situations.  Thankfulness is the natural antidote to envy.  In thankfulness, I focus not on what I lack but on what I have.  Thankfulness humbles me, since I recognize that I am indeed the recipient of gifts that I have not earned.  Thankfulness humanizes and energizes me to engage more fully and vigorously with the people God brings into my life, because I feel richer, blessed, and secure in what I have been given.  When I engage in thankfulness, I am inevitably recognizing what is deeply important to me rather than focusing on the superficial details that I am tempted to complain about.  On a personal note, when I shift from self-pity to thankfulness, my family says that I begin making sense to them again—I am refocusing on what I always tell them is important. 

There is a fascinating, dramatic shift in a person’s whole attitude when he or she begins to look for things for which to be thankful.  It seems in thankfulness we shift mental gears, and begin using different parts of the brain.  Researchers have identified that the parts of the brain activated in thankfulness are associated with the neurotransmitter dopamine, which both makes us feel good and also helps us initiate action.  Research has also shown that simply increasing a person’s thankfulness results in lowered depression, improved sleep, decreased anxiety, improvements in exercise patterns, and an overall reduction in general aches and pains.

Whatever the biological operations that are involved, when we engage in genuinely giving thanks, we are naturally required to let go of attitudes of entitlement, and to relinquish cynical expectations of harshness, stinginess, and meanness.  The paradox is that we actually become strong through weakness—as we relinquish our “high standards” we receive better and more rewarding results. 

Here are four ideas to prime your thankfulness this season.  Pick one or try all four:

1.       Three Things:  At the end of every day write in a notebook (or on your smart phone) three things that went well today, interactions that brought you joy or satisfaction, specific things you are thankful for that you experienced today.  The key to this exercise is to be detailed and specific, not general.

2.      Seek Delight:  As you proceed through your day, be intentional about looking for things to delight in, especially as you talk to your loved ones.  When you are tempted to be critical, shift your attention slightly to look for something for which to be thankful.  If you have enough information to be critical, you have enough information to be thankful.

3.      Be Glad:  Teach your family to play the “Just Being Glad” game.  Maybe read the section in Pollyanna to refresh your memory (you can find excerpts online).  Have fun laughing and playing the game, helping each other to genuinely “be glad”.

4.      Stir It Up:  Make a list of ways that you can stir up thankfulness spontaneously in your loved ones and coworkers.  Do surprising acts of generous selflessness that catch people off-guard.

Thankfulness takes practice, but actually doing it may change your heart and your brain.  Or as Pollyanna says, "…lots of times now I just think of them without thinking, you know. I've got so used to playing it. It's a lovely game.”

Blessings this Thanksgiving,

Gene

“Gratitude bestows reverence...changing forever how we experience life and the world.”  John Milton

“I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love, because you have seen my affliction; you have known the distress of my soul…” Ps. 31:7